True Story

Preface:  With Lisa and I on diets around here, and fruit being worth zero points on weight watchers, bananas have become even bigger of a staple in our lives.  We are always running out of them around here.

Story:  It is night time and I go out to eat a banana.  I notice that there are three left.  Perfect.  I can eat one tonight so that my blood sugar doesn't go low and that leaves one for me in the morning to make my shake and one for Lisa to put in her morning fruit medley thing.  I happily go to bed after eating the banana.

The next morning I wake up and go to Lisa's bedroom and crawl in bed with her.  My stomach was already rumbling.  We start talking about weigh ins and how we think we have gained weight.  Lisa seems rather insistent about the fact that she has gained weight, and I doubt her and ask her how she knows.  She says she knows because she weighed herself and she had gained weight.  After some prodding it comes out that she weighed herself with clothes on or during the middle of the day, so in dieting world, that doesn't count...you go off of the weight you have first thing in the morning before eating, after going to the bathroom and completely naked.  I started mocking her saying that of course she will gain weight if she weighs herself in a snowsuit after eating all day.  In the middle of the mockage, she blurts out "I ate the last banana!"  I am overcome with sadness and grief.  My perfect breakfast is out of the question.  You don't make a fruit shake without a banana.  Wait a second...last night there were two bananas...  "YOU ATE THE LAST BANANAS YOU MEAN, you banana whore!" came tumbling out of my mouth in complete horror and shock.  She didn't even deny it.  She ate them both.  Then came the real confession.

She told me about the lack of bananas to hurt me...because I was mocking her.

Salt in the wound.

We then proceeded to go to the store and buy tons of bananas while still in our pajamas.

All is well.